today's one of the times when I can absorb what the tutors are saying...yay....
so far, the stress can be managed...but it would start to have huge pressure sooner or later...
I've been thinking of something for the past few weeks...about how my own life is being lived...
It really seems that I have to put in huge effort in whatever I want or do...things that come to me, requires immense effort and devotion/focus as an aid...
So far, what my dad has told me...things that you do need effort, as long as you feel that you did your best, then that's it, what can you do? There's also "Don't just think, action!"lol...can that be placed in other things other than studies and work???...
Unfortunately, things don't really turn out that easily summarised for me...
of course, things like exams need these two in order to get good results and all that...but there are other things like relationships or something like that
My brother occasionally says that I would get a girlfriend before he does...that is hard to believe since he's 19 for goodness sake...well, I know what he's like, so it's like a little tough for him to go ahead and get one (I'm probably saying this in a blunt way..sorry bro)
Comes down to me...I have a somewhat similar problem, although I wish to not have surreal thoughts that seem really distracting...I'm just.......hesitant...unsure of what my next move is...a weak excuse in fact
"Will that person not like me...what if this that do dah...what are that person's thoughts...what if it's the wrong timing to go..." worries worries worries...
These are some of the hesitant thoughts I have everytime...you could say I'm not open and quite introverted, that's true...
Stupid me...yes..there are things like prioritising and all that necessary crap, but my real thoughts are locked up in a cage in my mind... want to help...care...helpful...concerned..uurghh....
not many people know what my real character is I feel...especially at home...I'm a whole different person...like the opposite of quiet for example...
So...to sum it all (like a GP summary, the way I phrase it X_X)...I want to know how...it is like to be in one...I want to make that person happy other than my parents and family...yeah, this is like a weird way of saying it...but I'm worried by essential stuff for my future (already mentioned)...hesitance is one key thing...
It is true that such thoughts are meant to keep me focused...but this struggling is draining me down and suffocating me like a cloth wringed around the neck...time to give in?...not so fast but...yeah...
It's not easy...but I'm probably going for it (what the heck?!)...can't 守株待兔 and wait for the other one to "get"me, that's just wrong...
Priorities first, but with some other feelings inside them...
This is like the first time I'm divulging my own feelings...afraid of negative comments...but slowly...no longer...doing my best to not think so much...and I'm sorry if there's any misleading or misunderstandings.
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