I need a wake-up call...a rude and good one...badly...
Thinking too much every single bloody day is always affecting my focus on my studies...music, thoughts, feelings, actions are always in my head, this circular motion seems perpetual, seriously. Regarding what happened today was too damn fast...and making me realise that: This behaviour in school is not really you (Is it you?)...take a look at yourself at home (It is really different, not afraid of expressing my views). You are always affected by external factors...noise...comments...the lot...especially one problematic one...
This forsaken one has really changed the way I am....trying to fit in...impress...being lazy and all...
It has really warped my whole way of thinking at school...To me, I don't seem to have an opinion of my own (hesitance), afraid of negative remarks and all that crap...always swaying to other people's comments, mindful of them and in the end, I'm stepping on my own foot...I'm not doing anything right for myself. Well, that probably explains why I have problems evaluating...
I've got to stop this bullshit, or else it will really cost me my education in the near future (promos, A Levels). It will also be a waste of time staying back one year to catch up.
Even my bro said, "I can do it. So can you." Excuses of Easier said than done are always there...to thwart my ever-worrying mind..."It's time to stop being neutral everytime" and "Don't be too nice, or else people will climb over your head" a few said to me. It's really hard to not be too nice since this is a habit in me since young...no cynical thoughts are good...
Seems weird to say this, but I WANT a scolding. A good scolding...so bad, terrible and raw that it can wake me up from going back to la-la land and knock me back to reality...no wandering thoughts, music...all those redundant thinking..so I can gain back that focus I lost so long time ago since Primary School...
It's time to wake up...NOW
Be yourself (Which I'm still not), You decide and choose who you want to be, Be more realistic
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