Me...

Ok...back from school...

today's one of the times when I can absorb what the tutors are saying...yay....

so far, the stress can be managed...but it would start to have huge pressure sooner or later...

I've been thinking of something for the past few weeks...about how my own life is being lived...

It really seems that I have to put in huge effort in whatever I want or do...things that come to me, requires immense effort and devotion/focus as an aid...

So far, what my dad has told me...things that you do need effort, as long as you feel that you did your best, then that's it, what can you do? There's also "Don't just think, action!"lol...can that be placed in other things other than studies and work???...

Unfortunately, things don't really turn out that easily summarised for me...

of course, things like exams need these two in order to get good results and all that...but there are other things like relationships or something like that

My brother occasionally says that I would get a girlfriend before he does...that is hard to believe since he's 19 for goodness sake...well, I know what he's like, so it's like a little tough for him to go ahead and get one (I'm probably saying this in a blunt way..sorry bro)

Comes down to me...I have a somewhat similar problem, although I wish to not have surreal thoughts that seem really distracting...I'm just.......hesitant...unsure of what my next move is...a weak excuse in fact

"Will that person not like me...what if this that do dah...what are that person's thoughts...what if it's the wrong timing to go..." worries worries worries...

These are some of the hesitant thoughts I have everytime...you could say I'm not open and quite introverted, that's true...

Stupid me...yes..there are things like prioritising and all that necessary crap, but my real thoughts are locked up in a cage in my mind... want to help...care...helpful...concerned..uurghh....

not many people know what my real character is I feel...especially at home...I'm a whole different person...like the opposite of quiet for example...

So...to sum it all (like a GP summary, the way I phrase it X_X)...I want to know how...it is like to be in one...I want to make that person happy other than my parents and family...yeah, this is like a weird way of saying it...but I'm worried by essential stuff for my future (already mentioned)...hesitance is one key thing...

It is true that such thoughts are meant to keep me focused...but this struggling is draining me down and suffocating me like a cloth wringed around the neck...time to give in?...not so fast but...yeah...

It's not easy...but I'm probably going for it (what the heck?!)...can't 守株待兔 and wait for the other one to "get"me, that's just wrong...

Priorities first, but with some other feelings inside them...

This is like the first time I'm divulging my own feelings...afraid of negative comments...but slowly...no longer...doing my best to not think so much...and I'm sorry if there's any misleading or misunderstandings.

Ok...gonna post on yesterday's (technically on my clock) small movie gathering to watch the Half-Blood Prince...

Met Gabriel at Yew Tee, boarded the train where Jasper was (searched the wrong section for him! like hide-and-seek since he was sitting down lol...)

Met Amanda, Ee Hong, Amanda and her boyfriend Chester just near the ticket gates...

After that, went to eat lunch and arcade! Although arcade is not much of an appeal to me...i still enjoyed the laughs and excitement!
Quickly went to get snacks and waited for Mayvin, then it was movie time...

The movie pretty much pales in comparison to the book definitely, but still, quite a good movie...

Walked around Junction 8 for a bit, arcade for a short time, took pics then we went our separate ways at the MRT...

Went to eat at CCK interchange with Jasper and Gabe...took a while to decide to go to the interchange hawker centre as we were walking around Lot 1 hunting for appropriate places to eat lol...oh well...that walking made me hungry...

Ate then went home...and here I am...
Gonna have to do the CSE Essays and Maths tmr...work hard!


When opportunites await, I would want to be there to help you...

Life in the fast lane

Short weekend but still a good break from the fast life of school...cca...tutorials...lectures...running...

Need a good coach or tutor for GP and possibly CSE...my bro should fit the job hahas...need help for the expression and evaluation...or...the AMS can do that too!...yeah!...

Well, apart from his tone (even my parents agree) that I'm already getting used to, I hope I won't get distracted and learn as much from him...

Oh, and bio got a bloody U...damn! Next time...I'll work even harder to not get an ugly U or S...on any subject...that's one goal I can make...

sigh...time will tell how much I can improve...slowly...dun give up!

Catching a glimpse of you...

ok...got a B for Chem and a terrible S for CSE...

nothing to say...just work, work, work....

I seriously am thinking too much, as my mind is rather self-entertaining itself, thinking of so many things of the past, present and future...
It's just so hard to even walk a distance or do something without thinking haywire...people...thoughts...feelings...objects....the lot....

It's like a broken tape recorder or a disc with the needle stuck on the record, again and again...
this consistently thinking mind just needs a break from the outside world...rest...no thoughts that can be distracting and mentally tiring....

Focus...but too much already...must be on the right thing at the right time...


still unable to do something, damn me...

Contrasting results

Sigh...got back some of the results alr...

GP was terrible!...failed it...21/50...an S grade...
well, can't just sit back and emo...bro wants me to read read read (or in my case, read in read out)...reiterating or in a better way, emphasising...
to improve the expressions made in my essay...
that is quite an encouragement, lending him his notes to me...the guy who scored A for GP A Levels what the heck...damn good lor...
Got a stern warning from the comments given: "You have to seriously buck up in order to score for FYE" comprendo? lol...

Maths was okay but not satisfied enough...got a D grade...
Improved from the Dept. Tests, S to E to D...hopefully this gradual improvement continues...
can't ask my bro that since he did not really like Maths...forgot some of it alr...so gotta rely on myself for this...

Chinese! was somewhat good!...got a C...maintained my O Level Grade too...the Mid-Year Oral and LC are not included unfortunately, used in Final Year Exam instead...
darn it, wished they could have added it in so i could get a B (Seeing C for too long since Os)
But oh well, I'm really glad I maintained it once again! Still need to improve here...
Somehow, my Chinese seems to be better than my GP, and I speak more English at home...obviously the lack of general knowledge and expression are problems that require a lot of effort put in to match my bro...long way to go...

Got back Bio paper 1, 26/40...still acceptable, but heard from the relief teacher that Paper 2 was badly done throughout the cohort (Mr Wong is on re-service btw) O_O....gonna kiss that B goodbye alr i think...

Careless careless careless!...this habit is still here like a parasite, plus the inability to focus...double the difficulty...

Things are gonna change, that is my studying habits...have to off the monitor while studying yeah..that's for sure...

ok gotta continue my 3rd EoM draft (in progress)...same expression problem as GP...
" I failed to pass or I passed to fail?" lol...
Failure is part of everyday life, more of stepping stones to improving yourself...
Life is a real challenge...

you'll still be in my mind.......