Mind in a whirl...

lousy long week we all had....faced fridays twice a week and it...well, nearly wiped us all out, tired and shagged.....

night study is like practically having biscuits and milo...yucks...getting sick of biscuits alr....hopefully got bee hoon next week man....always feeling hungry after a few hours, like right now zzz.....

sigh, mind is all filled up with thoughts here and there....how long can I keep up this endurance???
seriously thinking that I'm thinking too much....people's comments, remarks...omg....why am I feeling so pissed just after a short remark?!
temper has been of a very short fuse lately....guess that's stress, hard to manage and control...esp to keep the stupid peace around me, not blowing up in the process, can I just tahan and tahan and tahan for the rest of my life at this rate!?
somehow i thought that i should just shut the hell up and not say a bloody word next time isn't it? that way i dun have to face comments that can trigger that short fuse so easily, life will be SO much better if I keep mum and nod my head involuntarily whenever the teacher is teaching....sensitive I am, but sometimes I just feel like saying this:

THINK before you even speak in the first place, even if it pisses you off or whatever you feel

that way we can all avoid these kind of unnecessary thinking and misunderstandings

you can say that I need to change here, of course, but that takes time, I can't change myself instantly or quickly like a chameleon changing its skin colour to suit other ppl
I'm gonna be like someone adapting to other ppl's needs and desires so quickly that I don't know who I really am
nowadays, I dunno why, but I just feel like blowing up to let ppl know my firm stance on some things...fine, 'don't make your problem my problem' or 'not my problem' , some would say, but that says a lot of things (go figure), because that is really insulting, especially to me, it's like as if I'm just an idiot trying to talk aimlessly, wtf do you want?!

Watch what you say around people, it may be your individual right cause it's your damn mouth, but not everyone can be all nice and take your words lightly and not to heart, we just don't show it in your face, we don't want things to turn ugly, in which at that moment, life just sucks


I'm only pissed off at ppl's actions or words here, not the people themselves (let me make my stand here clear, so it will avoid any unseen potential misunderstandings)
I don't want to dislike people over a few small comments, that's not fair to them at all

what I'm told to do, I'll tell myself two words: 'Heck care' (a nicer way to put it) and move on damn it!!!!!


need to clear my messed up mind about these redundant thoughts as this will really put myself in a negative light, being distracted and affected such that it will affect my concentration....
looking back at what I wrote, it seems that I'm getting more scary, cause I don't show my negative feelings that explicitly, I just take it in, and when I'm elsewhere, that's when the 'dark' side of me shows, like here....
there's seriously no other way to release my anger, playing games to release stress won't work here, they're virtual and it only satisfies you just so much, as losing yourself in the game is as good as losing your mind and sense of differentiating reality and the virtual world (schizophrenic much?)
esp since the As are less than a 100 days away, and with more work to do, games are not really of muchhelp and has become more time-consuming...but that doesn't mean that it's all work, no play...work-life balance

I've still got a lot to say, but that's enough for now already. I'll take those words in and not to heart, I'll do what I can to do that, because it's really hard for me to just forget like that, that's just me, respect that and things will be fine, no problem, comprendo?


ok, it's really late now, gonna have to go back to school for the Nanyang Concept Test, and also see some potential Uni courses that are of interest...bye....

Wow, have been staring at the post entry screen for hours....dunno wat to type lol...


been doing hw during night study for the whole week and at home...the beginning seems really tiring at this point of time...everytime i reach home, i feel too tired to do any work....zzz....luckily that's only on weekdays....

the school library cubicles are simply one of the best spots to do work! just that u need to go there early if u want to do with ur classmates lol...
friday seems to be the best day to do work at night, as there're not many ppl there (that was only for last friday from what i see, so....Disclaimer here!)

rrr...have to memorise stuff for Tuesday's Bio lecture...6 chapters to go, and that Biomolecules chapter has too many structures and functions to rmb!...zzz....

ok.....minor quick update! back to work...

119 days and counting...

mid-year exams are over not long ago, and we already got back some of our results....

and with the alumni talks on last Thursday...inspiring..motivating...it had set me thinking these few days on a lot of things....future....goals....results....these three things have been circulating around my mind...and it made me realise smth...

it's how we test ourselves that we can see our true abilities blossom and unleash...step-by-step as we pluck up our determination to strive on, that's how we can achieve

that determination is challenging to obtain, and especially to sustain it....it seems that the drive to do well needs to be constantly 'fuelled' in a sense, and that is hard for me to attain that level...

i have so many motivations around me...and i dun even have the ability to hang on and work hard consistently....my parents never made it to university (no A levels), my bro has good A Level results (A for GP, Chem, H2 German; B for H1 Physics and PW; C for H2 Maths --- He never was good at maths, that's what he told me), my cousin's results wasn't able to allow him to enter any of the 3 local Us.....

they're all around me, and somehow I'm unable to feel such sources of motivation....

what I've heard from school and family, telling that it's not too late, 119 days and counting down...less than 4 months to pick myself up...i need to grab hold of whatever time I have to do the best I can, and so can everyone else...sustain those grades that are good, and pull those that need to have be improved on...and also to knock some sense into my blur-blur mind to not repeat the same grave mistake again, or else, it's the end, and I've wasted my time and effort to be even in a rigourous JC curriculum....

it's time to wake up and open our eyes to reality; stop lying to yourself as it will not bring much good in the long-run like we take it for granted; face it and do it

well well well...

well, never blogged for quite some time...have been revising since after the ACID camp...

ACID camp was a blast and smth to really enjoy, helping these challenged ppl to cheer them up, work past their disabilities and have fun!

Shanghai Trip was smth to rmb too, ridculously long time of queuing, walking with bags in front for hours....having back pain after that...lol, had a great time with everyone there!

What I got back from these 2 trips: A bad back, a swollen thigh joint that still hurts till today

even hurts when I bow, sit or stretch...gotta start doing those flexibility exercises my dad does since he hurt his back...

photos of the trip will be on Fb, got 1113 pics (including several videos)

and today...did a really grave mistake for the first time ever....stupid blur me....how could I misread the bloody instructions?!

.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

nothing to say, but I'll make sure I learn hard from this lesson, and not do that in A levels, I promise myself that, no doubt about it...

if i can even pass with an E, well...that's good

this had started my drive to work again, seems that so far failure is the drive for me to work hard...gotta be smth else to spark up my focus....

gotta get Bs or As for the 3 H2, or at least a C, that's what I told myself...

seems challenging, but no pain, no gain

this is a test for myself, and it's gonna start tomorrow, the beginning.....

Haven't been blogging for some time alr....must say that a lot of things happened between this time period...College Day, GP MYE, Mr Lim's Wedding on the 29th, being super late for CSE lecture yesterday, Bio and maths lecture today.....yeah....lots...of...events....

sigh...

i dunno how im feeling right now....mind feels like there're a thousand thoughts wandering about in my head...

what happened yesterday at home....forget it...fuck man....seriously, i know i can't seem to find a lot of stuff at home, but can u don't make it seem like i'm blaming you? i may have STM a lot of times, but this time, i find what u said is really unnecessary!

i noe i may have no right to shout or even raise my voice a little, but it seems that i can't even do that, not even once

even just attempting to do that, and u get all angry and all that...seriously i feel fucked up...

I apologise for this, u guys are the greatest parents to me, but sometimes being unable to voice up is really wth; even the slightest raise will cause a spark...and well, im living with that since im born, and I can't do anything

can't help it, but just want to vent my frustrations here, no one is to blame except myself

i gotta live with this for the rest of my life, seems like it, maybe i should see a counsellor? considering, but not now...

also thinking about smth else for the past few days....just want to say this:

Whatever you do, that's your choice. I can't do much except to ask, the rest is all up to you. I just do what I can to help.

But can you simply reply promptly next time? Or just notify that you need time to think about it, cause you may be having difficulty answering at that very moment? That's all

If not, I'm always going to keep guessing whether it's you, and in the end, it's mostly someone else asking me smth

ok, feeling much better now...gotta pack finish for Shanghai, seems that the temperature is extreme, according to Mr W Chan...

see you guys in a few weeks or sooner, hopefully i can buy back some goodies...